Doesn’t hearing “Miami” just make your blood boil?
Oh … it doesn’t?
Alright, well … let’s change that. So what if there’s no rivalry against the Hurricanes for Friday’s showdown? We need to find a reason to have a grudge with Miami to make the (potential) win even sweeter.
Let’s just get right to it:
1. Get out of here with their climate
How do you spell Miami? S-O-F-T. Soft.
Are you kidding me? Pristine weather around the calendar? Oh, and let me guess, they’ll probably say we’re “jealous” of their 400 days a year of pure sunshine.
Uhh, no. Up here in good ol’ Michigan we build character in the winter, not sandcastles.
We get up in the morning and scrape ice off our windshields in March. Miami folks get up and drive to work in their PAMPERED lives. We stave off sub-zero wind-chill in the winter – they just apply another layer of sunblock.
Grit > great weather.
2. Pitbull is a Miami product
You want to clear a dance floor at a bar or party? Cue up some Pitbull. Except “Fireball” … or “Timber.”
Alright, so he’s got a few decent tracks, but don’t let that make you forget how overplayed he is on the radio. I hope Kenny Goins remembers just that as the Hurricane tries to post up on him.
3. The U Part 2 wasn’t that great
Alright, I’ll give credit where it’s due – “The U” was a fantastic 30 for 30.
OK, fine, “The U Part Two” was pretty good too, but it wasn’t as good as the first one. The sequel wasn’t as good as the original. You’re like “Hangover 2.” Ha! Got ‘em!
4. They stole our green
This color ain’t big enough for the two of us, Hurricanes. Michigan State was established in 1855 – 70 years before the University of Miami came along. So we were here first with the green, you UNORIGINAL copycats.
5. Larranaga ruined 2006
The 2006 MSU season was killed in the first round with Jim Larranaga holding the smoking gun as he watched his George Mason Patriors celebrated the 11-over-6 seed upset. Don’t forget that, folks.
Or, if you’re like me, UConn making the Final Four in 2006 was the lynchpin in your bracket pool. Larranaga and his Patriots destroyed that plan in the Elite Eight, and are we just going to let him off the hook for that? Psshh, I know I’m not.
6. They gave us the first Burger King
Fun fact: The first Burger King opened up in Miami. Another fun fact: Roughly 4,000 people died after their ridiculous hot dog stunt they pulled*. Burger King and its mascot – who looks like he should be doing jail time – gets a certified “Trash” rating, and it’s all Miami’s fault for it.
*may be fabricated
7. Great Lakes > Atlantic Ocean
How many bodies of water does Miami’s coastline have? One.
Michigan’s? How about four Great Lakes? Give me the variety of cold lakes and colder lakes instead of just one ocean.
8. LeBron James already graced them
Let’s not act like this happened a while ago. This city has already enjoyed their wins with having the best basketball player of our generation raking in a few NBA titles. This town was spoiled with basketball greatness already – now they need to be overwhelmed with the play of Miles Bridges.