The Only Spin Zone: Why the Redbox Bowl is actually the best Big Ten bowl game

This is where MSU wanted to be.

Sure, yeah, the Redbox Bowl might not sound like the sexiest bowl game in the world. But folks, this is the game you should want. More than the Rose Bowl. More than any New Years Six game. More than any Florida bowl game.

Some people are bummed about MSU’s destination. Here is why you should be begging — BEGGING — for this game every single season.

Why you want the Redbox Bowl

A lot of things die. Roses, peaches, assorted citrus and the cows that give us steak all die. You know what doesn’t die? Movies. Movies never die. And, thank God, Redbox is here to deliver those everlasting goods. Just off bowl game name alone, it establishes itself as a stage for immortals.

Santa Clara is a fantastic destination in an incredible state-of-the-art stadium with roughly 5,630 luxury boxes. That’s how you know a stadium is legit. And it’s built in such a convenient location, there’s only one reasonable highway to take to the stadium. That makes life easy – you don’t have to stress about which way to take to the game if you’re staying in San Francisco proper. And as a bonus, that highway is always the darkest shade of red you can possibly see on Google Maps at all times of the day – that means a ton of traffic loaded with fans getting to the game. Just a bastion of college football pride in Silicon Valley. That atmosphere will rival Baton Rouge on a fall Saturday night.

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And the weather is prime too. You can just paint a thermometer on a wall – just put it at 62 degrees and you’ll be right at least 360 days of the year. No need to stress about packing extra shirts that you would sweat through in Florida. Yuck.

And this is also the venue for the national championship game. Last time MSU played in a bowl game that would later hold the national championship (shout out Rose Bowl), the Spartans went on to win a New Years Six bowl the following year and then reached the College Football Playoff after that. Reaching this game was a calculated move my Mark Dantonio. Reach the Redbox Bowl this year to set up a nice little two year stretch in the future – I love that move.

Why You Didn’t Want Any Other Big Ten Bowl Game

Rose Bowl: The You’re Not In The Playoff Bowl. Entrance requirements included A) Being a Big Ten team, B) Being a PAC 12 team, C) Getting housed by 90 points against Purdue and D) Winning your conference title game in front of 16 people where 10 points was somehow enough to win it. Hitting any two of those four requirements got you in. MSU only hit one of those marks because they’re above the Rose Bowl. That’s right. I said it.

Peach Bowl: Ahh yes, the nice beaches and sunny outdoor scene that Atlanta has to offer. Hate to be missing out on that. Just absolutely gutting to be missing out on the This Game Was Relevant Last Year, You Should’ve Been There Bowl. This year is still cool in the sense that, for the third year in a row, the Peach Bowl will be hosting at least one team that’s won a national title in the last 20 years. And somehow it’s not that team that does the whole “who’s got it better than us?” bit. Weird.

MSU missed out on this bowl because, in order to be eligible, your head coach must have been to zero conference championship games. I’m positive that’s the only reason why MSU wasn’t considered. All well, I’m sure we will have fun watching another matchup that I’m sure everyone was clamoring for.

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Citrus Bowl: You want to wake up in your Orlando hotel and battle a mother of four screaming Mickey Mouse ear-wearing children for the continental breakfast waffle maker? Or sit at a restaurant that has jacked up prices thanks to the existence of Mr. Mouse? Alright, that’s your prerogative.

And all for what? To play Kentucky and see if any team can score a single touchdown before the 14^th overtime? I’ll take a hard pass on the splitting headache before watching a 6-5 final score of a bowl game.

Outback Bowl: Right off the top, the Bloomin’ Onion is trash. There, I said it. A fried onion? That’s it? Miss me with that bulb of grease.

Sure, the weather is nice down there, but that’s all we’re missing. Unless you’re a fan of seedy strip clubs on every corner (1 strip club per 2.6 citizens in Tampa, that’s a known fact) in a city that’s labeled “Trampa” for a reason. Hey, if you’re into that, I’m sorry you’re missing out.

Photo by Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images

Music City Bowl: By stepping foot in Nashville you instantly run the risk of getting crushed to death by a bachelorette party on a pedal pub with “Wagon Wheel” (the Darius Rucker version) playing softly in the background. The bachelorette party won’t even notice either, as they’re woo’ing and yaaassss queen’ing their way down the road, pounding White Claw as not even a single cowboy boot-wearing bystander checks on you. You didn’t want the Music City Bowl and the inevitable bone-crushing death that came with it.

Pinstripe Bowl: It’s the Pinstripe Bowl.

Quick Lane Bowl: Right off the bat you know how trash this bowl game is based on the “professional” football team that plays there. You would think that building just sees eight disappointments a year on Lions home games alone, but not when someone decided to punish college teams with a bowl game at Ford Field.

No one wins at the Quick Lane Bowl. Not any of the teams. Not the fans that are shelling out $89 for face value tickets. Not even the college football addict watching at home. Ask Minnesota if they regret beating Wisconsin to get to six wins and this bowl game, and I bet we are getting a great deal of “yes” votes.