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The Only Coin Toss: Predicting MSU football’s season with...a coin toss (duh)

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Let’s see how the season shapes up with the ol’ heads and tails method

Michigan State v Arizona State Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images

I am happy to announce that the coin flip prediction is back.

I am also sad to say that last year’s was incredibly accurate, predicting a 7-6 overall record.

So here’s the premise – I’ll flip a coin. A 2014 quarter (Rose Bowl year, baby) to be exact. If it’s heads, that’s a MSU win and I write up how our Spartans win. If it’s tails…well, you get the idea.

LET’S GET TO FLIPPIN’.

Aug. 30 vs. Tulsa: Win

The coin can just feel the energy of opening night around the corner. The Spartans crack open the season with a win behind Joe Bachie and Kenny Willekes reminding everyone just how dominant they can be this season as the offense looks promising for the season ahead.

Record: 1-0

Sept. 7 vs. Western Michigan: Win

Two night games, two wins. Easy as that. The Row The Boat magic is well over Lake Michigan at this point and the Broncos struggle against Michigan State’s superior defense. Heck, it looks like MSU is playing with 15 on that side of the ball at times. And, better yet, the offense still isn’t giving anyone anything to complain about…yet.

Record: 2-0

Sept. 14 vs. Arizona State: Loss

Clayton Thorson. Jet Sweeps. Herm Edwards.

That’s the holy trinity of MSU’s kryptonite these days. Arizona State has to replace N’Keal Harry and find itself a new quarterback, but they find just enough kinks in the MSU armor to put up 20 points. That must mean one thing – MSU’s offense went to their old ways of just simply not scoring.

Michigan State v Arizona State Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images

Record: 2-1

Sept. 21 at Northwestern: Loss

HOLD ON I THOUGHT CLAYTON THORSON LEFT AND WE WERE DONE WITH THIS CRAP.

Alright, great. In front of a stadium that’s 40 percent Wildcats fans, 40 percent MSU fans and 20 percent ghosts of phone-loving millennials, the Wildcats stun MSU again. Northwestern has averaged 40 points per game against the Spartans in their 3-game win streak walking into this game, and they somehow top 30 points again in a Northwestern record fourth-straight win against MSU.

Record: 2-2

Sept. 28 vs. Indiana: Loss

Hoo boy I hope y’all like insanity on 97.1.

Indiana’s offense keeps progressing in 2019 and do just enough to get by the Spartans here. Remember when Indiana beat us on a late field goal in 2016? And the realization that the encore of the 2015 season wasn’t going to happen? GREAT TIMES! LET’S DO IT AGAIN!!!

Record: 2-3 and Rick from Howell calling for Dantonio’s firing

Oct 5 at Ohio State: Win

Hey! A nice little bounce-back game!

Spartan Nation watches a completely grueling game on the road just like 2015 where the defense scores shutdown after shutdown after shutdown. The offense in return will score touchdown after touchdown after…alright I won’t get too carried away. It’s another 17-14 thriller in the Shoe, and MSU’s Big Ten title hopes aren’t completely dashed just yet.

Ohio State v Michigan State Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images

Record: 3-3

Oct. 12 at Wisconsin: Loss

Listen, we’re not the excuse-making fanbase in this state…BUT WHO THE HELL SCHEDULED US FOR BACK-TO-BACK GAMES AT COLUMBUS AND AT MADISON?! WAS THIS YOU, DELANEY???

MSU sees a close game going into the fourth quarter but the energy the Badgers get off “Jump Around” and the fatigue on MSU starts to set in. Wisconsin’s run game bludgeons MSU’s defense to set up a late field goal.

Record: 3-4. Folks, we’re sad again.

Oct. 26 vs. Penn State: Loss

Well, that run against Penn State was fun wasn’t it? Even the bye week can’t save the Spartans as Penn State has had this game circled on their calendar since Felton Davis broke the goal line last season. James Franklin also went as far as tattooing “F***ING BEAT MICHIGAN STATE” on a walk-on’s forehead to fire his team up all season. It works and MSU is in the bowl game eligibility danger zone.

Record: 3-5. Big yikes.

Nov. 9 vs. Illinois: Loss

Good news: Lovie Smith finally gets a win that barely justifies his $5 million per year salary.

Bad news: Everything else about this game.

The Spartans have a hard time generating any momentum in a sleepy atmosphere in Spartan Stadium as Illinois quarterback (insert any name here) stuns the football world. Alright, maybe not the whole football world. Maybe just a handful of people that will voluntarily watch this game.

Record: 3-6

Nov. 16 at Michigan: Loss

I don’t even want to talk about this.

Since everyone and their cousin from Downriver is gushing over this new Michigan offense that’s played out in *checks notes* zero live snaps, I’m assuming no less than 80 points are scored. Once again, Michigan secures its spot in Indy.

Record: 3-7 and just pure, raw carnage in East Lansing

Rutgers v Michigan State Photo by Duane Burleson/Getty Images

Nov. 23 at Rutgers: Win

Even the coin isn’t getting carried away here.

Record: 4-7

Nov. 30 at Maryland: Loss

The morale has never been lower. Star players are taking this game off to avoid injury before the NFL. 16 people showed up at Spartan Stadium. Even Zeke the Wonderdog has had it. Maryland wins 6-3.

Record: 4-8. Don’t blame me. Blame the coin.